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cockblocker running down the
street cockblocker someone you don't want to meet
cockblocker he's just out to stop you cockblocker
he can't play no soccer
cockblocker he's harry like chewbacca cockblocker
but he's fresh like binacca
cockblocker see you every Hanukkah
cockblocker blaca blaca blaca
cockblocker style shake you like maracas cockblocker
graduated cylinder cockblocker you're just a big
sucker
you got a vagina and he'll spot
you you getting play he's out to stop you it just
ain't proper wacker then wack keep your cock back
open up your eyes cause he's on the attack spin
round and round jump up and down I've got a cock
and I'm going to town cocksmoker Han Solo stroker
rise up and down like a stockbroker It's porn in
the U.S.A. everyday and in every way so lets just
hit the hay make a baby along the way I'm just a
genius with a lonely penis so why are you blocking
when I'm just rocking peaches and cream
I'm the cockblocker dinosaur doctor hotter then
lava I'll take your bra off coffee and cream wishes
and dreams bigger then real reason appeal steal
a feel ease in an eel looking for something your
my third cousin I'm sure we're related no hesitation
no instant loving or mating I'll block your cock
sold out like stocks you sit and stand and put socks
on your hands slap your cock down smile upside down
I'll knock you out bitch which is my purpose line
up like porpoise spine of my hornless lie
holy crap look at that man I
messed up again got the pussy on lock on top of
stopping all your friends from fucking ben when
I could have tapped the ho for pussy and ends and
in the end hate a player player save the ill behavior
for later I'm major you're a 8th grader piece of
paper name and 7 digit labor pains later flavor
foul get the towel come for miles and miles on eye
brows dripping like whiteish yellow brown streaks
mellow out refer fest fresh for 2001 bro
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oh shit, this little bad boy.
Dare I get into the whole story? Yes, I think I
shall. It was the fall of 2001. The leaves were
falling, America was still reeling from the September
11th attacks, and horny losers are out to take advantage
of nice girls. Such was the case with this one guy,
I don't want to use his real name and I can't think
of a referentially insulting name either. Maybe
just Guy? Guy Geiger? Ill ben came up with that
name and it might suit in this case (or maybe Buddy
Geiger, I think that's cool.)
Any who, Buddy and
my friend Betty (alias also) started hooking up
at parties, drunk. I'm cool with that but Danny
and I became worried that young Betty was in danger
of being taken advantage of (we were familiar with
the whole "taking advantage of" scenario and were
like turned criminals able to identify the problem
from the inside). Let me get back to the narrative.
We was all at this here party at our friends house.
Danny and I spoke about how we felt our sweet friend
was being molested by our sleazy, piece of shit
friend. Betty was going to leave so I told her to
call me tomorrow so that we can talk about her situation.
She said that it would be best to talk now because
it was fresh in our minds and we were all drunk.
Danny, Betty and I go into this side room for a
fuckin' wild threesome!!!!! (YEAH!) No. That didn't
happen and that would be gross. Not specifically
gross for me but more gross for everyone who would
have to be involved in a threesome with me. So we're
in this room talking and Buddy walks in. It's totally
awkward and whatever, Buddy leaves instantaneously.
We voice our concerns, she says she appreciates
our caring for her, yadda. She leaves the party
and I casually talk to Buddy, just to let him know
what was up. I told him she's a sweet girl who's
looking for a relationship and you are just looking
to hook up and you are misrepresenting yourself
in this situation. He acknowledges that his intentions
are just to sleep with her. I mean "just" as in
"sleep with; i.e. do it" and nothing further. Don't
get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with causal
hook ups but it must be mutual with a mutual understanding
of what the situation is and/or will be.
Anyway
this prick, Buddy, starts referring to me as "cockblocker"
to our mutual friends. This was annoying but not
retaliate annoying. I call over to his house to
talk to one of his roommates and he's like, "if
it isn't CB". I tell him to stop right there. I'm
not trying to "cock block", as fucking stupid as
that term sounds, because I am not trying to get
with Betty. I'm looking out for a friend. Also,
Danny would be as guilty as me and as deserving
the title cockblocker, so why was it not applied
to him?
We had to make a song about this. I still
think the term "cockblocker" is so stupid it's almost
unredeemable. Essentially, the song "cockblocker"
is a song dissing buddy.
The line "put socks on
your hands" comes from st. pete and danny postulating
what would be a fucked up thing to say to someone
during sex.
The scratches are fake, as fake as Buddy
is, and from a keyboard, which Buddy is not (Unfortunately.
It would be cooler if he was, I tell you what) I
wrote the 2nd verse to this song but I can't sing
for shit so Danny sang for me. I wrote the line,
"I'll knock you out, bitch" referring to Buddy and
it was like an eerie portent.
Anyway, shit kind of settled
down after a week or 2, he was still calling me
cockblocker, etc. I think he and Betty kind of fizzled
at this point. Now it was Halloween.
The whole Halloween
situation was fucking lunatic and involves this
rented bus (the drunk bus) with a keg on it and
full of people and it involves a million stories
in itself so let me just warp ahead to the after
party at the Speakeasy.
The After party. So it's
5 am and I am blind drunk and Buddy and I are talking.
He too is totally wasted. Here is how I remember
the events:
- Buddy and I are talking about how we don't want
to fight, we both make music and it would make better
sense if we were on the same "team".
- Buddy and
I drunkenly exchange stomach punches (as drunk guys
tend to do sometimes).
- I knock the wind out of
Buddy (accidentally)
- Buddy throws a punch and lands a
wild left hand to my cheek.
- I swing with my left
and bust Buddy in his mouth, causing his lip to
immediately swell and bleed (badass)
- st pete and
dan, confused as fuck, jump in between us.
Nothing else physical happened between Buddy and
I. Things just fell where they lie, or lie where
they fell, or laid where they landed. I think I
liked that last one the best.
Thus is the story of cockblocker, a fantastic fable
of men and beasts.
Epilogically speaking, Buddy and I are as cool as
we ever were, meaning not that cool but there's
no violence between us or anything like that (he's
fucking lucky for that too. Word.).
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